Never Had A Dream Come True by Morgan
(lyrics © S Club 7)
Everybody's got something
They had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday
That just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back
Oh wondering (oh wondering)
How it could be now, oh might have been
Oh might have been
Oh this I know,
But still I can't find ways to let you go...
Dear Justin-
I know you must hate me for all the cruel and harsh words I said to you on that awful night in January, 1999. And I know it's been a over a year since I have talked to you or even communicated with you. It's been exactly 2 years and 9 months. I must first explain to you why I said I didn't love you and I wanted nothing to do with you...I was diagnosed with cancer Justin. I have cancer and I have accepted the fact that I am going to die. I also was ashamed to tell you, I was pregnant. We had a beautiful baby boy. He has bright big blue eyes just like his daddy and he has the famous Timberlake curls that I loved so much. Our baby's name is Reily. I hope you understand why I left...I don't know what else to tell you or make you understand but please understand one thing Justin...I have always loved you and I will continue to love you, till the end of time.
I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby,
I never founds the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
As I sit here, Justin, with Reily sleeping soundly wrapped in his blanket, nestled with love and warmth I can't help but think about you and how I was so selfish and full of pride to let my dream come true go. I never had the words to say to you how much I cared for you and loved you, all the while you whispered your heart and soul in my ear. Your touch sent wildfires on my skin and your twinkling, full of life baby-blue's always made me feel safe and loved and appreciated. You saved me from everything and anything bad in my life and I owe you a great deal of thanks. Once I left...I never got with another man...I was afraid I would betray you even more. Each day that passes by I can't help but harbor clouded thoughts of you. You were that one meant to be and I screwed up. What can I say, I was human and I was scared and I had to much pride in my ego to see I was hurting the man that loved me just for me. Life is taking a winding road for me...and I don't know where I'll end up but I'll surely be thinking of you and every piece of my heart will be with you.
Somewhere in my memory I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be, 'cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back, oh wondering (Oh wondering)
How it should be now
Oh might have been (Oh might have been)
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go
I never had a dream come true
Till the day I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
I'm laying in my hospital bed right now Justin, watching my baby play, without his loving father that could him the world and so much more. Ever since I was diagnosed with inoperable cancer I lost every since of time and reality and only focused on getting by with a 2 year old son that made my life more complete each day...but still there was that one void...missing you. My love for you seeps through every crevice of my soul, body, mind and heart and sometimes it hurts so much that I can't even take a breath. All I do is lie awake in a semi-oblivion, watching, waiting, praying for you to come back and rescue me. But to no avail I know. That one day fills my mind every waking second of every day...and every time I look in Reily's eyes I see you, my love, my heart, my angel and meant to be. I don't even dare to look back further into our happy memories for fear it will hurt too much...I have Reily...I don't need memories when I have a small version of the real thing. I can't relish on what could have been, I have to look out for my baby, our baby. I just...I just can't find any strength to let you go Justin...I just can't.
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will. say you will, you know you will baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back oh wondering, (oh wondering)
Because love is a strange and funny thing, (and funny thing)
No matter how I try, I try, I just can't say goodbye, no no no no...
No matter how you react to this letter, just know no matter where I am you'll always be that one man that filled my heart with love, joy and pure happiness. I know you know in your heart you're always gonna be my baby and I know you won't forget me. Not when you have Reily with you. That's where my pride plays in again...Reily is partly mine and I know you won't look back and say you should have never loved me. Love is strange, love is ironic, love is mean and truthful, and love is what brought us together and created Reily. My Reily, your Reily, our Reily. No matter what I say or what you say, it all comes down to our baby boy reily. Through him...you'll see me and through him...you'll see my hurt and pain and love for you that has held so strongly all these years. No matter how hard I try...I won't ever be able to say goodbye to you my angel....
Lily
Never had a dream come true
Till the day I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say, (never found the words to say)
You're the one I think about each day, (you're the one I think about each day)
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
A part of me will always be with you....ohh....
November 24, 2002...One year later...
Justin folded the note back up and let a single tear roll down his cheek. He glanced down at his side and saw his creation, their creation. His heart oozed with love for the little boy and he saw her in him every minute of every day. It had been one year since Lily, his lost love and angel, sent him the letter...the letter stating the 3 words he always wanted to hear...I love you. Now here he stood with that letter in his hand...one full year later...in front of her grave...letting all the agony, pain, anguish, and love seep through his clouded watery eyes. He glanced back down at the small boy, now the mere age of 3, and smiled to himself as he looked up at the starlit sky knowing Lily, too, was smiling down at them with showers of pure love.
"Yea, a part you will always be with me my Lily-girl." Justin sighed as he gave one last look at the gravestone before he disappeared into the thick, night air with his son in his arms.
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